i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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