What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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