well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
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cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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