I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You took a bar mat shot.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
