I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
