At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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