have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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