i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
