is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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