Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
