Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
