Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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