I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
