that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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