dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I deserve to be covered in dicks
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
