made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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