I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
