Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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