Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
