i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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