my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Come see our sink grown plant.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
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I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
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We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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