Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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