When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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