dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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