If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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