my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
