i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
