he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
