allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Sorry about my life...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
