Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
