My nipple is on Facebook.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
