3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
