I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
