i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
