Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
