at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
