So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
