Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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