So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
