I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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