We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
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I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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