I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
