If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
