It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
