when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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