Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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