Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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