the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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