dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
