I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize