your parents love me but you hate me
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
