You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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