i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
