if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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