I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
