You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Help. Why am I so naked?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
