What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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