just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
